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15. "yhea, you're a fucking idiot. idiot. idiot. idiot." ("idiot", hospitals 12".)
14. "sit back and let me tell you about the sadness. about the beast that's been gnashing it's teeth. trying to destroy, trying to destroy me. it rears it's head every time i'm alone. in the middle of the night if you don't answer your phone. it snarls at me, it snarls at me." ("i hate my stupid ass and i hope i get in a car accident tonight", split 7" w/ the dukes of hillsborough.)
13. "i'm every morning you wake up alone. i'm every time you're drunk and walking home. i'm all the tears you cry 'til you can't see. i'm everything you swore you'd never be. and the list goes on and on and on and on and on..." ("i am you", split 7" w/ the practice.)
12. "take my advice and leave now while you have a chance. it's starting right now i can feel it, it's starting again. it's bad enough i can tell in advance. i know you'll be miserable in no time flat. i know you'll be wishing that you had left. it's bad enough i don't ever feel like it's worth it to start over again. it's bad enough i can tell in advance." ("go on git now", from the bottom lp.)
11. "don't know if i can withstand another night of this hell living in my head. you say there's something you can do that will help, how can you help me when I can't even help myself?" ("that must be nigel with the brie", all things move toward their end 12".)
10. "i don't care about anyone, when the deal is paid and done and the pain is relieved. i'll tie it tight around my neck, kick the chair with my legs cause i wanna fucking die today" ("die today", hospitals 12".)
9. "well, i took some pills and woke up somewhere near your appartment. don't know why i wound up at your appartment. didn't mean to break the glass outside your appartment. i was aiming for your boyfriend, baby. yhea, he was my target." ("horse pills and the appartment lobby", all things move toward their end lp.)
8. "it's not the real me screaming you away. it's my selfish sadness ruining every day. everything is wrong." ("i hate my stupid ass and i hope i get in a car accident tonight", split 7" w/ the dukes of hillsborough.)
7. "you can tell me that i'm a bad person, tear apart every fiber of my being. and then call the cops. call the cops on me." ("call the cops", all things move toward their end lp.)
6. "she's not okay, and she keeps telling me. and i don't know what to say. when you can't sleep and you can't eat it's kind of hard to lead the way. up all night crying, this day won't go away, just go away. i light my cigarette and open up my phone and say: i know what it's like to be afraid. i said i know, i feel it every goddamn day. and i know what it's like to be angry all the time. and i know what it's like to always be the last in line, at least i know." ("at least i know", split 7" w/ dear landlord.)
5. "it's hard to admit i still think about you. five years, 2000 days, i've been living without you. i know i was a dick and i ruined your life and that's just as fucked up as i am tonight. it's hard to admit i still think about you. it's hard to admit i still think about you. i wanna die when i wake up in the morning, if i'm dreaming about you." ("hard to admit", hospitals 12".)
4. "it was all just a dream. and it's time to come clean. and it's time to move on. no matter how hard it seems." ("self check out", from the bottom lp.)
3. "all this time spent in hospitals makes it seem impossible to ever walk back through that door. you've got so much more to do, i'd trade it all with you, i'm just a drug addict and nothing more." ("jackie lee", hospitals 12".)
2. "until the day i die i swear i'm gonna make your life as miserable as mine." ("until the day i die", from the bottom lp.)
1. "i keep it simple and i trust my friends. but i'd rather be in new york doing heroin again." (heroin in nyc", hospitals 12".)
OFF. WITH. THEIR. HEADS.
(seriously. no other band has ever managed to put the battle with depression and the battle with being a bastard to every one you know despite the fact that those people who deserve being a bastard to aren't the ones you know into a two minute punk rock song. and they're coming to the arena on october 25th.)
oh, and an extra one that doesn't really count, since it's a cover version.
"i wanna live all alone in the desert. i wanna be like georgia o'keefe. i wanna live on the upper east side and never go down to the street. splendid isolation, i don't need no one. splendid isolation. like michael jackson in disneyland, don't have to share it with nobody else. ???, take my hand and lead me through the world of self.
don't wanna wake up with no one beside me. don't wanna wake up to nobody new. don't want nobody coming by without calling first. don't wanna have nothing to do with you. i'm putting tinfoil up on the windows, lie down in the dark to dream. i don't wanna see their faces, i don't wanna hear them scream." ("splendid isolation", split 7" w/ dear landlord. originally by warren zevon.)
we've been to the u.s. army base in schweinfurt and got lots and lots of dew. we've played a show in a youth center of a christian organisation. we've listened to the ...WHO CALLS SO LOUD debut on the way home and i couldn't fucking comprehend how awesome it is. shit. i still can't.
i'm back home, sitting on my mattress in my room again. like landing flat on your stomach on the water surface. when we arrived at my home it was pouring heavily. all the long drive home from ansbach it was sunny and warm and just ten kilometres or so before we entered vienna it started raining. yhea, thanks again, discordia. you've always been very helpful and shit. we slept in the weirdest flat ever the day before. it used to be a doctor's practice but now a shitload of people live there. it was the weirdest mix of jesus freaks paraphinalia, left-wing posters and vague punk rock look. my brain's fried for sure. the show itself was meh. i mean, RIKA killed everything in the room and apparently so did we but... somehow it feels weird to know that maybe the fact that we've played to the jesus freaks might give us a reputation as a christian band or something. you know, i don't fucking care about religious people who don't go around killing or persecuting others because of their beliefs and the people of ansbach were nice people but... well, i can't put it into words i guess. whatever.
the day before we played schweinfurt with PATTERNS, an awesome minutemen-ish post-hc band from cologne. seriously dancable stuff and all that without being annoying. and, you know, i can be easily annoyed. really fucking easily. the stattbahnhof, were we played at, is an old railway station (with the new one being right next to it) and probably the sweetest location on the entire tour. the people who did the show were all exceptionally nice and they served us essentially the best food on tour (vegetarian kebap).
at the show lenni (drums for RIKA) met two g.i.'s who serve at the army base in schweinfurt and told them about my faible for taco bell. they invited us to come over the next day. and the fearless adventurers we are, we did. i had taco bell for the first time in six years again. i admit, it tasted better in my memory but i still enjoyed every bite. since we all are mountain dew fanatics of the highest proportion, we also bought about 70 cans of the green stuff to the dlight of the g.i.'s. our tourbus was so packed...
leap back to right now. i'm on the third can of u.s. softdrinks now, listening to the incredible ...WHO CALLS SO LOUD 2*10" ad i'm still floored by it. the tour buzz has worn off now and feelingwise i'm back in regular life now, i guess.
so, yhea. what now? hrm...
(EVERTON and RIKA were on tour from may 9th to may18th. everton is florian, michi, raffael, richard. rika on tour were lenni, natascha, sebastian and stefan. the almighty gogo roadied, drove and shared the good times and the bad times. 4/5 of DESTROY, MUNICH joined us for two days on our dayoffs in berlin. we played six shows in nine days and maybe 100 people or so were on these shows all together. we sold about thirty tour cds and not much else. everyone got a cold and i think i hurt my back seriously somewhere. raffi finished three seasons of MY NAME IS EARL on tour and we played a shitload of worms armageddon. three people were injured and no one was killed. everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.)
drenched in my own sweat and doused in kerosene i've sat down happily for the first time in what feels like an eternity. the show we played today, in schweinfurt might very well be the best show we ever played. it surely is the first show on this tour that i'm completely satisfied with.
RIKA ruled so much today as well. it's amazing to see how this band can build itself up again from down to almost zero to their max. at yesterday's show the magic was down to nothing but tonight they blew me away with every hit of a string and every pound on a drum. especially amazing and killing me every fucking time is their new song "harbor". parts endserenading-MINERAL, parts 00's postrock this one starts off with a mighty wall of sound leading directly into the twinkly part that always drives me to tears instantly. - "we close our eyes in your room. when you wake us in the morning, you always walk away in silence." - or at least that's what i can make out of the lyrics. and though i'm pretty sure i don't get what this song's about it just works for me instantly.
it always feels good to be away from everything. but most of the time it's just6 a distraction. one that doesn't really work to its full extent. i'm buzzing right now and i'll probably still be buzzing the next hour or so (with the funky fresh PTTRNS slaying in the room behind me par exemple) but as soon as someone turns off the light and everyone's drifting off it all starts again. just like it hit yesterday, heavily. the pain in my ankles, my throat and my head. this hole on my stomach made of hunger, loneliness and this undescribable pain of missing you so much. and of course even if i fall asleep i awake soon after and it hits all over again. i can't even begin to tell you how good it felt to fall asleep in the tourbus today on the way between frankfurt and würzbürg. me handling the map and the descriptions (almost) perfectly. you should have seen me. or something.
current listening material: austin lucas - putting the hammer down / oakland skyline (track) ** elliott - false cathedrals ** rika - harbor (track).
current reading material: issues of phase2, antifaschistisches infoblatt and derrechterand ** robert payne - the great charlie.
after the third sneezethrough you see stars. those little silverdot swirls spinning around fast in small 1 cm diameters one every two or three cms. getting dizzy, having to hold on. put another thing to my wimplist: unable to shower in cold rooms without almost passing out. or something. also i'm still coughing my lungs out every morning like a chainsmoker. why did i ever become straight edge again?
berlin, day 3. yesterday evening i was really fucking ready to leave. enough berlin, enough walking around for hours. my left foot was still killing me but this is a big city with loads of stuff to see. there's no time for resting or anything, you know. back at lenni's place i come to consider that maybe i just should have.
so far this feels more like some kind of city trip than a real tour or anything. which is probably what was to be expected considering how all three day-offs fell around the berlin date. still, i'm about ready to leave now. like, really fucking ready. been to xmesserx already, what else should there be?
"leave me alone! me and my devotiooooon"
8:32. i haven't really been able to sleep tonight. that's ok, though. more time to blast awesome 90s revival indie/noise rawk through the speakers of stefan(RIKA)s laptop, bang my freshly washed hair and read up on world politics. lulz, bob barr is running for president. let's see if this reminds the ronpaulians that there already is a party for what they all apparently go cuckoo about.
misc stuff: just cause most of the stuff you're ever going to want to hear spontaniously is available all the time on youtube, or myspace doesn't mean everything is... i've just been looking for "likewise" by HARMFUL for half an hour or so. all i found was a 30sec clip on amazon. meh. ** despite all the criticism (some of it rightfully so), walking through the denkmal für die ermordeten juden europas was humbling ** lots of viennese street art stuff in f'hain and kreuzberg. well, vienna is never that far away, is it...
listening material: united movement - devotion (track) ** coalesce -functiong on impatience
let's hear it one more time. klick klick...
"there sheeee goeeeees.there she goeeees agaaaaaain..."
spinning the indie-ish 80s post-punk videos one after another we sit around lenni's appartment raping his internet connection. a couple of friends dropped by just to see us play five million miles away from home.
my left foot hurts from walking through berlin for hours on end just to get some pizza hut (and see some parts of the city), i'm still hurt by friends forgetting about me and missing you hurts like hell as well, of course. but being exhausted and doused in my own sweat from walking for hours soothes the pain a bit. whatever makes you work, i guess. we arrived in berlin yesterday, crashed at lenni's place. the others went to see GREGOR SAMSA at the schokoladen. i broke down on my bed cause i was just in pain. the usual, you know. same thing since august 2007...
we had played chemnitz the day before. the show was at a squat somewhere in chemnitz. almost no one came. the squat was very unlike the dirty shithead squats the likes of the ekh. after the show we tranquilized ourselves with a new house m.d. episode. well, at least it worked for me. at least for the duration of the episode. everything crashed again just before i fell asleep. we were treated to a rich breakfast the next day, that helped.
time warp back to right now. 18:37, berlin. we're playing the lokal tonight. somehow i think tonight's gonna be great. hopefully i'll get rid of some records tonight. get some money for the tour.
reading list: blurr #26 ** glw/drk #4 ** nate powell - please release.
listening list: jawbreaker - 24 hour revenge therapy ** hüsker dü - flip your wig ** mineral - endserenading.
B-ABUSE... say what you want, but this band has always delivered the best stuff and continues to do so.
part crust, part neurosiscore, part slint, part screamo - no one else can keep my attention for twenty minutes just like they can.
and apparently they're recording something new.
check out the track "all the animals laying trail" on their myspace.
and while you're at it... download their records from their website. anything from "tens65" on is perfect.
"after the first time we kissed i drove for an hour in the wrong direction.
frozen in the winter wind where nothing could ever begin i saw you.
you were shining like a brand new sun. shining starlight for me. for you and me, my love
pass a junkyard on the left, time to catch my breath.
almost to the out-of-state line.
oh, it’ll be better this time, this time"
seriously, there is no other band like IDA that can make me cry with a single sung word. no one does this kind of music better than them. seriously, fuck mineral, christie front drive, the stella brass, rydell and all of them.
and oh god i can't wait to sit in the greyhound on my way through the midwest listening to "i know about you" (their 1996 record). and i can't wait to eat taco bell every fucking day.
